Evolvate

There is a story about the great stoic philosopher and Roman emperor, Marcus Aurelius, meeting his mentor Junius Rusticus at a river outside the city of Rome.

Arriving at the river Marcus Aurelius finds Junius Rusticus sitting in deep contemplation next to the river. Aware of Marcus Aurelius’s arrival Rusticus then asks, “Do you see it, Marcus?”

Uncertainly Marcus Aurelius nods his head. “The river flows without end, always moving, never the same.”

Picking up a pebble, Rusticus tosses it into the river. It vanishes under the water almost making no ripple. “Life is like this river,” he said. “It carries all the things away we cherish: Youth, fortune, happiness, sorrow, even memory itself. Nothing remains but the flow.”

Confused, Marcus Aurelius asks: “If all is swept away, that meaning then can be found?”

Rusticus, amused by his student’s question, answers calmly: “The meaning lies in acceptance. In understanding that we are part of the current, not apart from it. We are not masters of the rivers, but companions to its course.” Dipping his hand in the shallow water and tilting it so that the droplets fall like fleeting moments. “Live according to nature, Marcus. Embrace change, for it is the only constant. We cannot change the flow of the river, only our position in it.”

“Embrace change, for it is the only constant. We cannot change the flow of the river, only our position in it.”

I once read a quote that said, “We are a sad generation with happy photos”. Modern life has become more about pretending to be happy than actually being happy, a fake-it-until-you-make-it generation. People stay in jobs they hate, in relationships that suck and drains the life from them and in friendships that are toxic, but hey, as long as the work function, family and social event photos look happy, then I can believe that I am happy.

People stay in these circumstances, thinking that making changes will upend life not realizing that life will go on endlessly and the change that you want to make, no matter how drastic it seems, won’t make a dent in life. And so, we keep pushing life away, the life that we are able to live.

We are scared to make drastic changes, because maybe these changes will bring problems or challenges. Wake up buttercup, life will always have problems and challenges, but being deeply unhappy or unsatisfied with your life is quite a shitty existential problem to have and constantly deal with.

So, what’s worse? Living a truly unhappy and unfulfilled life, or moving towards being happy and experiencing fulfillment and dealing with your problems and challenges with a fuller heart, or being 80 and having a shit ton of regrets and asking, “was this it?”

The beautiful thing about us is, our ability to complain, we complain about our boss, our clients, our marriages our friends and our paychecks, but that is all most of us do. My grandmother had a saying, “If you complain about it, and you’re doing nothing about it, you are not allowed to complain about it because you’re not changing it.”

“If you complain about it, and you’re doing nothing about it, you are not allowed to complain about it because you’re not changing it.”

Our fear of changing our lives for the better stem from to primal fears. Our fear of failure and, our fear of what other people might think – what if the tribe shuns us.

Well, sorry to say but you are going to die alone and in that moment, you are not going to think about anyone else but yourself and maybe your kids, you are going to have two questions: “Will the kids be all right?” and, “Did I live, truly live?”. As you are not going to care two shits about anyone else, do you really think that any of those people whose opinion mattered so much that you didn’t change your life or did what you believed is right for you will think about what you did or didn’t do? The answer is most definitely no. So, why care? Also, if they really care for you and your wellbeing, they will support you, if they agree with your decision or not.

Our fear of failure is our biggest barrier to not living truly happy and fulfilled lives. What if my I quit my job and my company/new job fails, then it fails, and you try again and learn from it. Life is an iterative process, if you think that you will obtain happiness and fulfillment without trials and tribulations, you are delusional. The goal is to change your big problem of not living and changing your circumstances that are withholding you from doing so, into smaller problems and keep doing that until the problems that you are solving brings you happiness and fulfillment.

Life is supposed be fun, with moments of sadness and unhappiness, otherwise we will not be able to appreciate this beautiful thing we have one chance to experience. It’s not supposed be unhappy with moments of happiness.

Be prepared to make radical change, and deal with the consequences. Because every consequence you deal with brings you closer to the life you are supposed to be living.

The fact of the matter is, if you are already thinking about doing something that will radically change your life and will most probably change it for the better in the bigger scheme of things, it is what you must do – it is your soul and heart speaking to you. Change your position in the river.

You must make the choice, either I will be unhappy for the rest of my one life, or I will pursue happiness and look back without regrets.

Sometimes you must truly say “Fuck it” and deal with whatever comes after and stop pushing life away.